ladies and gentlemen, the ‘best of the blotter’ from the town where I grew up:
A woman reported locking her keys in her car with her dog inside at a Woodland gas station Aug. 31. A few minutes later she called back saying the dog unlocked the door for her.
and:
Two men were reported to be “fighting with rakes” in the 300 block of Northwest Second Avenue, Kelso Aug. 28
and:
Kelso police responded on June 13 to a home in the 1400 block of First Avenue, Kelso, where a 34-year-old man appeared to be doing “martial arts” moves with a long bamboo stick. The man had taken the aluminum frame out of at least one window and used it to assemble “some type of alter or shrine,” police said. The man explained that the martial arts moves were part of his “journey.” He then “jumped up and began to dance an Irish jig.” He also started singing “like a Leprechaun” and declared, “They’re always after me lucky charms!” Police suspected the man was experiencing “methamphetamine-induced delusions” and took him to St. John Medical Center.
and:
A Kelso resident reported hearing what she thought was the sound of distant explosives Jan. 13. The woman had been hearing it every 30 minutes since 4 a.m., and now the noise was happening every five minutes. She called back a short time later to say it was her broken screen door
and:
A Kelso woman told police she is a member of Second Life, an online game where people can interact in real time as an alternative self with a job, home and social life. The woman said her character was “at a club” in the game when another player “began pushing her around.” The bully then said she knows where the “victim” lives and planned to kill her.
Still not quite sure how I got out alive.
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